Buy U a Drank

My Pack of Wolves:

Just face it, man. You're just an egghead. You spent your entire summer constructing your badass K'nex Roller Coaster and various badass Lego pirate ships. You spent long arduous hours on Napster pirating songs in hopes that you produce the hottest mix-tape that the Summer of 1999 has ever seen. The intended recipient of this dope mix-tape would be the hottie that resembles Wendy Peffercorn in your Social Studies class. She also happens to be the hottie that you have no chance with, and the hottie that is currently dating the 8th grade stud whose had a six-pack since the first grade. The pinnacle of your day proves to be at lunch time where you have successfully reached the 40 second stage of your black cherry Mega Atomic Warhead: Xtreme Sour. Except, nobody witnessed you conquer the crucial final stage of your Mega Warhead battle because your teacher totally merked your style and your personal assigned seat happens to be in the far back corner where all the nerds congregate at the nerdery, which is of course way too far away from all of the latest lunch time action. This nerd corner is usually stationed right next to some kind of creepy crawler animal like a turtle or a frog housed in a grimy aquarium. The nerds are also subject to being stationed near a jungle of plants that are all but dead, except the teacher still insists that they need to be watered at each day's end. Nerds are always subject to dead plant watering duty. More about the classroom animals, I always felt bad for those little classroom creatures. They literally have like two options of what to do with their day. They can choose to either: 1.) Sit on the one, rather uncomfortable rock that is generously provided to them near a broken, obnoxiously loud filter; or 2.) Creep around and doggy paddle within about a two cubic feet area in the grimy dump water that hasn't been changed in months. All the meanwhile, these little animals are staring out through the aquarium glass wanting to be free like Nemo. These are the two options they are faced with every single day of their lives, generally lasting until their death. Shit, man. There's just something wrong about that. I feel for you little buggers. Stay strong.

I have come to respect nerds. This is probably because I exhibit so many nerd-like traits that I am without question a nerd. Except, I was wondering what it is that truly makes someone an official nerd? I understand the whole pocket protector, suspenders, thick glasses type of nerd. But, I have compiled a list of various nerds that have surfaced in popular American culture and have become a special part of my life. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a quick list of some of the greatest nerds the world has ever laid its eyes on. These nerds will stand the test of time. Hats off. Shoes off. Stand up straight. Pay your respects:

*Classics:

Fuller (Home Alone)
McLovin' (Superbad)
Ferguson (Clarissa Explains It All)
Minkus (Boy Meets World)
Steve Urkel (Family Matters)
Samuel 'Screech' Powers (Saved by the Bell)                             
Carlton Banks (Fresh Prince)
Lewis Skulnick (Revenge of the Nerds; also starred as Sam McGuire in Lizzie McGuire)
The Sherminator (American Pie; also starred as Cadet Wiluger in Major Payne)
Andy Bernard (The Office)
Kyle Edwards (Road Trip)
Newt (The Big Green)
Kent Dorfman (Animal House)
Andy Stitzer (The 40 Year Old Virgin)
Danny Tanner (Full House)


*Most Valuable Nerd (M.V.N.): Rick Moranis


Notable Moranis Roles:

Coach Danny O'Shea (Little Giants)
Louis Tully (Ghostbusters)
Wayne Szalinski (Honey I Shrunk the Kids)

*Dark Horse:

Donkey Lips (Salute Your Shorts)


I suggest a standing ovation. These guys bring tears to my eyes. So what exactly is it that defines someone as an official nerd? I couldn't answer that. All of these dudes are more than good in my book. It's all about having passion for whatever it is that you like to do. I don't care if you like to crush calculus problems all day, that's good with me if it's what you like to do. Chances are I won't be hanging out with a calculus junkie anytime soon, but I guess you never really know. Do what you love to do. Don't hesitate to do something because others may hate on it. People who actually have a problem with what you have a passion for can go pound salt.


QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"Because maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me.
And after all, you're my wonderwall."

-Oasis


CLOSING THOUGHTS:

Dark horse party saver: Britney Spears - Lucky. Must have for any iPod.


Remix to Ignition,

Meatson, out.