Yeah!

Grown Ass Men and Women:

I received better than average reviews on my last post, so I am going to extend it even furthur (that's what she said). I present to you a continuation of the list of The Real Men and Women of Genius, I hope everyone is fully satisfied at the end (that's what she said). I hope you enjoy my creativity and aggresive style (that's what she said). Here it comes, brace yourself (that's what she said). Here's to you Mr. or Miss...

a.) Mr. or Miss Worthless Question Asker on Exam Day:

It never fails folks. There is always that asshole who struts into the classroom on exam day with a little shit-eating grin, and carefully picks his seat of choice next to a group of people who probably already hate him. While this group of people is going over some last-minute questions they may have, or is plugging in some last-minute equations into their shady cheat program on their TI-83 Plus, this asshole is surveying the scene and still sporting his or her little shit-eating grin. You spark some flirtacious conversations with some girls or dudes that you have no chance with, and you are then soon to propose the infamous worthless question to certain individuals, and then to the group at large. The whole group senses that the question is upon them. Game time, the question is fired: "Yo dude, you ready for this?" I certainly don't speak for everyone, but this could be one of the most worthless questions that can ever be proposed. At this point, it just straight-up serves no meaningful purpose. It is such a conversation filler it's stupid. Mr. or Miss Worthless Question Asker on Exam Day, you only ask the question because you are a nerd and have nothing else to talk about. You only ask the question to either make yourself feel better when you did not study and hope to find out that you are not alone, or to make yourself feel better when you actually did study and you want to reinforce the idea that you are more prepared than many other students. You are a nerd, straight-up bro. Here's to you Mr. or Miss Worthless Question Asker on Exam Day! Today, we salute you!

b.) Mr. Little League Travel Baseball Player Who Plays Right Field and Bats 9th:

Celebrate we will because today we honor you, Mr. Little League Travel Baseball Player Who Plays Right Field and Bats 9th! You are literally the reason why little league baseball coaches hate the classic little league rule that every player on the team has to at least bat once and play at least one full inning in the field. You literally contribute nothing to an otherwise decent baseball squad other than a guaranteed strike-out in your three-pitch, truly embarrassing to even watch at-bat, as well as a guaranteed error during your brief, one-inning (maybe two innings if the Ten Run-Rule is the deciding factor of the game) shelf-life in the desolate right field goat pasteur full of dandelions and nothingness. I suppose those are not contributions at all, so you do literally contribute nothing as far as game performance is concerned. However, you do contribute some decent jokes, are always the first to initiate some classic rally chants, and are always sporting your classic upside down rally cap. Alongside these positive dugout contributions, you also load your bat bag with tons of key travel baseball supplies: Big League Chew (multiple flavors), Seeds (many varities), Gatorades (multiple flavors), and other key items. Team members seem to take pleasure in merking these supplies when they join me to rest their bodies in the shade-filled dugout. Your equipment is always the best and since you have no need for it, the people who actually play take full advantage of your sick Easton Redline C-Core big barrel bat, your sick Oakley Shades that you look terrible in, as well as your miscellaneous items such as batting donuts and awesome training devices that become property of the on deck-circle that you almost virtually never spend time in unless you happen to walk through it between innings to help warm-up the left fielder or help the catcher with his equipment. It looks like you do prove to be a valuable team component, and notice how I used the term "component" and not "player," let's be real fellas. At the end of the day though, you are the fucking man. You know I love you so. Here's to you Mr. Little League Travel Baseball Player Who Plays Right Field and Bats 9th! Today, we salute you!

c.) Mr. or Miss Terrible iPod Song Selector at A Rowdy Party or On A Roadtrip:

This one goes out to you Mr. or Miss Terrible iPod Song Selector at A Rowdy Party or On A Roadtrip. You provide people with much enjoyment at your expense. You have proven time and time again to totally kill the vibe of those around you at a party or on a roadtrip jam session. You pull crazy moves such as pulling the ripcord mid-song on a party favorite like "Usher ft. Lil' Jon - Yeah!," and put on "Coldplay - The Scientist." Both good songs in their own right, but talk about a 180 degree song reversal in the worst possible setting at the worst possible time. Even the classic songs such as "Alanis Morrissette - Ironic" are never as good when you are the one putting them on. You totally lack the ability to read the vibe of the party or the mood that your fellow passengers are in during a roadtrip. Your timing is so epicly bad, and the more you try to make amends to your already irreversible reputation by selecting better and more timely songs in the future, the more epic your song selection fails actually become. Once partygoers or roadtrip passengers notice your interest and desire to select the next song, and they see your dirty little paws on the iPod, there always emerges a crew of assholes who are the designated people that steer you clear away from the iPod area. This crew of assholes monitor the iPod area and make sure your dirty paws are nowhere near it at all times. When the monitoring crew eventually becomes overly intoxicated at a party and fails to remember to keep you away from the iPod, or when the monitoring crew falls asleep on a roadtrip, and you finally secretly manage to sneak a song in, we will then find both of these crews in both situations quickly reemerging to the iPod zone to fix the situation. These crews both just inherently know that the current terrible song choice that they suddenly hear was yours and yours alone. The situation is dealt with properly, your song choice is quickly extinguished, and the homeostasis of the car or party atmosphere is quickly restored to the optimal level. Here's to you Mr. or Miss Terrible iPod Song Selector at A Rowdy Party or On A Roadtrip! Today, we salute you!

d.) Mr. or Miss Slightly Above Average C.Y.O. Basketball Player:

Average Points Per Game: 8; Average Assists Per Game: 2; Average Rebounds Per Game: 2; Career Game-High: 24 points, 5 assists, 4 boards. You consistently perform at a respectable, but mediocre level game in and game out. You contribute, there is no question about that. You show flashes of brilliance at certain times, but those flashes are indeed flashes: very short-lived moments in time. Mr. or Miss Slightly Above Average C.Y.O. Basketball player, you could be considered to be a natural athlete by some uneducated sports fans here and there. You take so much pride in the fact that you are on the "A" team of your gradeschool, but deep down know that you could just as easily be a "B" team kinda guy. You get nervous at the onset of each new season when rosters are sometimes tweaked in the war room of the annual coaches meeting among the three teams that your school has. Do not fret young man of the hoops world, you are alas safe for another year. You love sports and you keep up to date with the wins and the losses of all the teams in your very mediocre C.Y.O. conference. You keep up with the freshest shoes in the industry and have proudly repped your Penny Hardaway's, your Jason Kidd's, and your Allen Iverson "Answers" to the same 30 or 40 patrons that attend your games. When 7th and 8th grade rolls around, you find yourself losing your starting role to the kid who is now better than you, and you become the sixth or seventh man on a team with minimal depth. You struggle a bit at first in your new back-up role and find some inner-strength to cope with this new transition, but you quickly move on when you realize there is no basketball in your future and finally clearly see that the kid who now starts over you is indeed actually better than you. You are a warrior of the hardwood, a chiseled veteran who has seen it all. You have had the same number stamped on your jersey since your first exhibition game in 4th grade. Dust off those 2nd place City Tournament trophies young man, you have survived a long and brutal test that the regional C.Y.O. League presents to all of its participants. Only the strong survive, you are now one of the strong ones. Here's to you Mr. or Miss Slightly Above Average C.Y.O. Basketball Player. Today, we salute you!


...Looks like I am exactly these guys. I am a Real Man of Genius, shit man. Kinda sucks? Ah, it's cool. I'll shake it off! Everyone else who falls into these categories: You guys are Gs. Stay perfect fellas!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"We're breaking and rebuilding.
And we're growing, always guessing, never knowing.
Shocking, but we're nothing.
We're just moments.
We're clever, but we're clueless.
We're just human.
Amusing, but confusing.
We're trying, but where is this all leading?
We'll never know."

- Jack Johnson

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

Sick gem of a song is "Moby - First Cool Hive." Make tomorrow a great day! Be smart and use your head (that's what she said)! Hakuna matata, means no worries.


Just Can't Wait To Be King,

Meatson, out.